Sunday, July 10, 2011

How can I sleep well without thinking about my crush?

For three years I had a classmate I knew, she is currently 16 but when I met her she was like 9 or 10. Anyway we went to the same elementary school together for one whole year and then I never saw her again... or so I thought, when I went to this new school three yeas ago I met up with her again, I was 11 and she was 14, strangely enough I kinda thought she was cute, for some reason I actually thought she was cute, but that kinda makes sense 'cause I'm growing up, so, as time progressed I saw her more differently every day until the year was over. The next year I wound up riding with her and her family everyday to school and back. my parents don't have time to take me to school everyday so I ride with her, and every day I started talking and getting to know her and I thought she was cool and then I soon realized I had a crush on her! I was shocked to realize this, what's worse, that same year there was this other guy who flew all the way from the Philippines showed up and me and my class thought he was cool but then later on he told me in front of my face he liked her too. I was shocked and devastated, so, I played it cool and told him okay, he didn't find out that I liked her too so I was happy about that. I kept this a secret to myself for a whole year, and then he got to talk to her and got to know her and I guess you could say I was a little jealous... a little... so eventually another year has passed and I became a freshman and she became a sophomore, the whole year I became a jerk, a weirdo, and a creep to everyone I knew at school, they knew me as a young, short, immature, annoying, little kid, and as soon as I tried to change my image from immature to tough, mean, and aloof, I immediately became a jerk to everyone, they all were used to me being an annoying, little goofball, who'd knew? So anyway during the middle of the year I was so tired of keeping my secret a secret because my friends were so nosy I had to let it out; man, what a bummer! turns out they already knew the whole time... they claimed I may have let out some clues and I guess it was pretty obvious, so yeah, it was a bummer...later on the year like at the last three or four weeks before graduation she invited me to her church, that's right, we're christian, so I went to her church, and I met some familiar faces, anyway after that day, I don't know what happened but for some reason she wouldn't talk to me, when I would talk to her she would talk back but in a "I don't want to talk to you right now" kind of way, I didn't do anything wrong either! What in the world? So this happened for two weeks, maybe three, and every night thes past two to three years, I couldn't sleep, now it's the last two, three days of school, This Is Where The Crazy Thing Happens! three days of school left and the day just ended, we are waiting for our ride, who comes and picks us up? Her jerk of a brother! I have had a grudge against her older brother for a while now, the whole ride I was angry for no apparent reason, and I think I may have been a little too hard but I was angry. As soon as we reached my house he said bye but she didn't. I got out the car, got my bags from the trunk, and I have no Idea how this happened but apparently I have become strong, so strong I don't know my own strength, and everyone has noticed it, I slam the trunk by accident, and she is like "Don't slam the trunk next time",and because she hadn't talked to me I thought it's payback time, so instead of saying okay, I gave her a thumbs up...bad idea, she must have thought I was giving her the finger, when she saw my thumbs up she yelled out "I'm calling your parents to tell them we're not picking you up anymore...that broke me... she never was so angry like that before, not to me at least, I was crushed, and I realized what I had to do, so I went all the way to her house just to apologize, that didn't work, as a matter of fact, she found me even more creepy than I already seemed. As soon as I was done, I left her house and I soon found myself at my old school where I first met her, and I cried, and I went back home. It's been five weeks since then and yesterday I went online to google images cause I was bored and I typed my crush's name and there she was with the guy who had a crush on her too, and I flipped. So here I am at 12:30 a.m. typing the details of my question to figure out how to forget her and the images of her in my head, because I can't sleep please help me, I am exhausted, depressed, and in love... please help me, and thank you for your cooperation.

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